Tuesday, December 01, 2009

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Saturday, September 2, 2023

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  "I live with a difficult child. That is really hard to write, but the truth is that I have lived with a difficult child for about 14 years. The last few years have been unbearable at times."  I haven't written a post in a long time. The main reason is that I don't have a personal computer (my work computer will not let me log in with my personal email) and I absolutely hate writing from my phone, but here I am needing to write,so I write. When I logged on this evening I found that I had started to write a post on May 23, 2022, but never finished it. We had just come off one of the most difficult years with Chloe. I could be found most nights just crying in my bathroom or screaming, "I can't live in this house with her anymore!" Her treatment towards me had escalated so intensely that I didn't even speak to her for several days and I was a little afraid of her. She had been making so many poor choices at home and we just tried to keep them hidden. I...
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Monday, February 3, 2025

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 Oh, hey. Just dropping in to unload the million thoughts going on in my head. I know it's been awhile and once again I am writing this from my phone, so please excuse any mistakes. I am wearing my reading glasses since the last time I posted so maybe writing from my phone won't be as bad as it usually is.   I'm a little bit of a mess these days and I am entering the time of the year that is the hardest on me emotionally,  mentally,  and spiritually. These next few months are filled with dates that broke me. There are dates the next few months that take me back to the darkest days I have experienced.  I enter this fight with the demons that seemed to have attached themselves to me 22 years ago. Praise Jesus, He gave me victory from those demons, but this time of year they like to rear their ugly heads and I struggle. Cancer gave me so many wonderful people and experiences that would not be part of who I am now. But cancer and the trauma that  followed ...
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Tomorrow, 18 years cancer free

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 I  never really know how I am going to feel on this date every year. My emotions are running a little bit higher this year. My 18th year cancer free also means that my sweet baby boy is almost 18. I will wake up in the morning and think about the events that unfolded 18 years ago. I will relive almost every moment of that day. I remember waking up March 3, 2004 knowing that the person I had been up to that point would never be the same. I remember looking in the mirror that morning wondering what would become of me. We drove the hour away to the hospital. I remember waiting. I remember finally being placed in this tiny room and I put layers of hospital garb on. My parents and Jeremy's parents were in the room with me and I remember we were making small talk. There was a thick feeling of uncertainty in the room. There were people that stopped by to see me and since we had not been in SC long I really did not know them that well. Jeremy's uncle stopped by and I know he was tryi...
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