Wednesday, April 2, 2014- 11 years later

April 2nd. The day the world stopped. Well, the day it stopped for me. The day that would divide my entire life Before and After cancer. I had been having some problems for about a year. I went to the doctor and I was assured that the problems I was experiencing were normal and since I was so young "my body would work itself out". So I went home and I waited for my body to start working, whatever that meant. Several months went by and the problems continued but I did not go back to the doctor since I was told that I would be alright. In the meantime Jeremy and I moved to Florence, SC for Jeremy to attend school. He was also hired on as the Assistant pastor at a FWB church right outside of Florence. I got a job as a Customer Service rep for Washington Mutual. It was good money but I hated the job. It was very stressful and I started to feel even worse and noticed the problems I was having was only getting worse. I found a doctor in Florence and I really like him. He prescribed me some medicine and told me that the stress I was under was part of my problems. So, for 8 months I found myself at this doctor's office and would be given the same medicine and the same answer, just give it some time. January of 2003 rolled around and I was determined that I was done with going to the doctor. I would take their advice and just wait it out. I did not go back in February. March rolled around and I just had this feeling that I needed to go one more time. I needed to go and demand that something else be done. I was not sure what they could do, but I knew something else needed to be done, something was not right. So, I made the appointment. The doctor started to write another prescription and I told him that I would not be taking anything else until he did some other test! They took me back to the ultrasound room. I had an ultrasound and it was obvious that something was not normal. There was a large amount if tissue on the lining of my uterus, about 5 times more than a normal woman. On March 28th I went in for a DNC. The doctor came to my room after the procedure and said he did not see anything that would cause alarm. He told me to come back on Wednesday, April 2nd for a follow-up. I went to work that Wednesday morning. I was wearing a plaid skirt with a white sweater. I left work to go to my appointment that afternoon. As I drove to the doctor's office I remember the song that was playing. The song kept saying "pray, when you don't know what to say, pray. Pray when your world come caving in, pray." I was so hopeful but for some reason that song seemed to call out to me to listen to the words. Jeremy met me at the doctor's office. We waited in the waiting room and people would look at us and you could tell that they thought we were there because I was having a baby. So, we sat in that waiting room and we dreamed about our future family. Finally, a nurse came out and called my name "the doctor will see you now." I know I have shared this before, but I remember the sadness in the nurses eyes. I remember thinking that she was trying to prepare me for something. Nothing could of prepared me for what was about to happen. Jeremy and I were sitting on a couch in the doctor's personal office. He came in the room and he said "I am so sorry to tell you this, but you have CANCER". WHAT? I am sorry, you have the wrong chart. This cannot be happening! I am only 25 years old! There is no history of cancer in my family! This is a terrible nightmare! Don't you know that being a mother is all I have ever wanted!! These were the thoughts that popped into my head. Some were even vocalized. "So, what happens next?" I hear Jeremy ask. The doctor goes on to say that I have an appointment with an oncologist in Columbia on Friday. I need to be prepared to have surgery within the next few weeks. The cancer cells have probably spread to other parts of my body. We left my car at the doctor's office and Jeremy drove me home. On our way we started making phone calls to our family. How do you tell your parents that their baby girl has cancer? How do I call my sister, who is my best friend, that I have cancer? All of my family members reacted differently but it was all shock and sorrow. My sister lived just a few hours away in NC so she and my niece (who was only 4 months old) drove down to be with me while we waited out the two days until we saw the oncologist. My sister was so strong for me and I cannot imagine what it would have been like if she was not there. She actually became the official answering service for the phone calls. I was so thankful for all the calls and support but I could not bear to tell the story over and over again. It was a never ending reminder of what I was about to face. On Friday I met my oncologist and he truly was a blessing. Sometimes I think we were sent to SC just so Dr. Williams would be my doctor.

So, here I sit on April 2, 2011 and I am so thankful for life. I am thankful that I have a wonderful husband who endured my 11 months of treatment. I am thankful that I have three beautiful children who remind me that "beauty does come out of the ashes". I said at the beginning that it was a dividing point in my life and it is. When I think about my life I feel like I have lived two different lives, my life before April 2, 2003 and my life after April 2, 2003. The following verse was a great comfort for me. God chose to heal me in a different way than I was expecting, but I know that He has been glorified even more in the way He chose.

When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." John 11:4