After I posted my blog on Tuesday I came downstairs and did another check on Samuel. He is a pretty easy patient. He brought the PS3 upstairs to the big TV and basically laid on the couch playing games and watching movies. Of course I would ask him every hour or so if he needed anything. It was usually a "no" or "mom, I can get it". He got up to get a Gatorade, so I decided I needed to check his temperature before he drank something cold. I put the thermometer in his mouth and I had a terrible squeeze in my heart as I realized that I had to raise my arm to put the thermometer in his mouth! Last night he was sitting down, all the other times he was laying down, this time we were both standing and I had to look up to fully see his face. It was in those brief seconds that 12 years came rushing back to me. My tiny baby boy that would only fall asleep laying on my chest for so many months. That sweet boy in my arms and in my lap was now standing in front of me becoming a young man right before my eyes. I then tried to remember the last time I had to check his temperature. When was the last time he had a sick day from school? My mind rewinds and I realize that he only missed one day of school each year the last four or five years being sick and I shutter at the thought that at this rate I may only have 5 more sick days with my son. Now I don't wish illness in any form on my child, but it was a sobering thought. I put down my phone and put my computer away and I sat in the living room with him. I tried to be interested in the Minecraft game he was playing. I rubbed his head and insisted that he let me make him macaroni and cheese. I enjoyed those precious moments with my boy. I know he doesn't need me in his sight every second. He doesn't need me to get his food or pick out his clothes, but I want to instill in him now that no matter how old he gets I will be there for him. It's hard these days (and I know it will only get worse) to not force my way into his every hour world. I really do try to give him his space. He knows that I will ask the hard questions if I need to and want to know about his life, but I also need to give him his personal space. So I will treasure those moments that he just wants to sit on the couch with me. Or like last night where he wandered into my room to eat his cereal and let me talk and ask him about his life. Treasure the "I Love you" he gives every night as he goes to bed. Tonight the girls went to a Father/Daughter banquet at school and I wanted to let Sam kind of decide what we were going to do. I thought we might go out to eat, but he wanted to order pizza and just stay home. I asked if he wanted to find a movie to watch together, but he really didn't want to watch a movie. I fought the urge to be disappointed, but only joy filled my heart as my son got two plates out of the cabinet, one for me and one for him, without being asked. Joy when he asked me if I wanted the Ranch sauce before he took it. Joy as he got me a Diet Coke to drink. Joy as he offered me the biggest chocolate chip cookie. Joy as he lingered just a little longer upstairs to watch some basketball with me. Joy as I think about the amazing young man we are raising. I know from the moment they enter this world we are preparing to let them go. It's just hard to imagine when they are those tiny little people. I know we have some time before I have to let him fly, but every day I feel him getting closer and closer to the edge of the nest. I know that the next five years will go just as quickly as the last five. I am aware that the feelings I had standing in my kitchen on Tuesday will come a dozen times over and each time I encounter those moments it only deepens my resolve to use every day with my kids as opportunities to teach them and establish deep roots of how to live this life. As parents we were not meant to hold on them forever, but to train them up to love and serve Jesus and go out into this world and make a difference for the Kingdom, but I find myself most days wishing for those days of my three little babies running around the house. Those days of endless diapers and sleepless nights, SIGH. I know I cannot go back, so my prayer is that the Lord gives peace as we all enter this new stage of life.
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| Throwback to 7 years ago. I remember this day like it was yesterday. |
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