Sunday, February 25, 2018
I hate parking. Even as a teenager learning how to drive the thought of parking and pulling out of a parking spot terrified me. I remember having anxiety even then about the whole parking of a car thing. I think a lot of has to do with the fact that my depth perception is extremely flawed. I have no idea what to even say when someone asks me how far something is or how tall a person is. I had a parent ask me a few weeks ago about a size of a shelf they were wanting to buy for our classroom to store boots during the day and my face was a blank. I did not have a clue what to tell her about what size I was thinking of. So you can imagine how hard it is to think through how close I am to other cars when I am parking. I get thrown off when I am pulling in a spot because I was sure that I am about to hit another car. Or when I am backing out, the cars behind me seem like they are (well I would make a guess, but I am not even sure what number to say 😜) right behind me. I know when I am pulling out of a spot and someone is waiting for my spot they are either laughing or cursing at me, keep reversing woman, you got plenty of room! Most of my driving life I could usually work around this issue with parking. My house had a nice driveway with our neighbors driveway connecting so I could just pull out through their driveway. My school and other places I would visit had big parking lots so I could always find a space where I did not have to park in between cars, or the best scenario, I found a spot I could pull all way through and not have to back out at all. When I moved to Nashville traffic was definitely more difficult to navigate, but parking was still pretty plentiful. I do remember my first parking spot in college and it was kind of tricky. I think I prayed every time I had to park.
Almost six years ago we moved to Chicago and I know I do not have to tell you the dire situation of parking in this city. We spent the first two and a half years in an apartment with no parking. Where we were worked the parking was terrible and parking was a huge anxiety trigger for me. If I was planning on going to a new doctor, store, ect. I would always call first and make sure they had parking. We have walked half a mile in a foot of snow and bitter cold just so I did not have to worry about parking. When we bought this house the Lord showed great mercy to me and the other residents on our street by giving me a driveway.
A few days ago I got an email from the coach at school and asked if Samuel would participate in an All- State basketball game on Saturday. Samuel and two of his buddies on the basketball team were asked to participate and Samuel really wanted to do it. Jeremy is working on writing this weekend. Side note, Jeremy is so close to finishing his dissertation. Please pray for him to finish soon! He could not drive us to the basketball event so if Sam wanted to go I would need to drive him. I googled where the school was located and my heart sank. I knew this neighborhood. It was close to where my brother lived for a little while and it is near where we used to go to the eye doctor. The school did not have a parking lot and I already knew from experience that parking was terrible and the anxiety started to sink in. In the madness of my mind I started thinking about the most ridiculous scenarios. Saturday finally arrived and Sam and Emma and myself set off to the basketball event. Chloe ended up staying home because she started running a low grade fever yesterday morning. Before we pulled out of our driveway I prayed that we would find a parking spot that I could actually get into. We drive the 6 miles (35 minutes) and it was ridiculous the thoughts that were running in my head. 'What if this isn't the right place?" What if we can't find a spot?" What if we are running late and I have to drop Sam off at the door?" AUGHHHHHH!!!! We get closer to the school and we are driving up and down streets and I cannot find a spot. I can feel my heart starting to beat fast and my anxiety is just oozing from my body. My sweet Emma in the back seat says, "Mom, why are you freaking out? We prayed for a spot before we left. We will find one." Don't you hate it when your kids remind you of those kind of things? OUCH. We circled back around and I found a spot near the school. A spot that was at the front of the street so I could just pull in and pull out when it was time to go. Samuel had a good time playing ball. We made it back home with no issues and all that worry the last few days was useless. I realized that my biggest problem is that my depth perception of my life is also lacking terribly. I keep looking at our current situation and I am seeing these huge obstacles. I see the hurt and unfairness and I do not know how to navigate around it. The best way for me to get rid of this anxiety is to perceive our situation the way God sees it. I feel like answers to what is next are completely out of my sight, but maybe they are indeed closer than they appear. I have zero anxiety when Jeremy is driving our car. I never wonder if he can parallel park. I never fear that he can't navigate around different obstacles. So as cheesy as this sounds, I have to give God the keys to my life. If I truly believe that He is the one driving this crazy ride we are on then why should I be worried? Maybe it's my pride. Maybe it's the constant sinking feeling that this just isn't fair. I don't have the answers, but I will continue to bring this before the Father and keep trusting.
So Emma and I were a little bit bored watching the game. I have a hard time watching my kids play a sport. I know it's hard to believe, but it makes me nervous. I don't like when coaches and parents are taking things waaay too serious and so I kind of zone out. Emma found this filter on my phone and we had a some good laughs adding dinosaurs to our day yesterday.
Almost six years ago we moved to Chicago and I know I do not have to tell you the dire situation of parking in this city. We spent the first two and a half years in an apartment with no parking. Where we were worked the parking was terrible and parking was a huge anxiety trigger for me. If I was planning on going to a new doctor, store, ect. I would always call first and make sure they had parking. We have walked half a mile in a foot of snow and bitter cold just so I did not have to worry about parking. When we bought this house the Lord showed great mercy to me and the other residents on our street by giving me a driveway.
A few days ago I got an email from the coach at school and asked if Samuel would participate in an All- State basketball game on Saturday. Samuel and two of his buddies on the basketball team were asked to participate and Samuel really wanted to do it. Jeremy is working on writing this weekend. Side note, Jeremy is so close to finishing his dissertation. Please pray for him to finish soon! He could not drive us to the basketball event so if Sam wanted to go I would need to drive him. I googled where the school was located and my heart sank. I knew this neighborhood. It was close to where my brother lived for a little while and it is near where we used to go to the eye doctor. The school did not have a parking lot and I already knew from experience that parking was terrible and the anxiety started to sink in. In the madness of my mind I started thinking about the most ridiculous scenarios. Saturday finally arrived and Sam and Emma and myself set off to the basketball event. Chloe ended up staying home because she started running a low grade fever yesterday morning. Before we pulled out of our driveway I prayed that we would find a parking spot that I could actually get into. We drive the 6 miles (35 minutes) and it was ridiculous the thoughts that were running in my head. 'What if this isn't the right place?" What if we can't find a spot?" What if we are running late and I have to drop Sam off at the door?" AUGHHHHHH!!!! We get closer to the school and we are driving up and down streets and I cannot find a spot. I can feel my heart starting to beat fast and my anxiety is just oozing from my body. My sweet Emma in the back seat says, "Mom, why are you freaking out? We prayed for a spot before we left. We will find one." Don't you hate it when your kids remind you of those kind of things? OUCH. We circled back around and I found a spot near the school. A spot that was at the front of the street so I could just pull in and pull out when it was time to go. Samuel had a good time playing ball. We made it back home with no issues and all that worry the last few days was useless. I realized that my biggest problem is that my depth perception of my life is also lacking terribly. I keep looking at our current situation and I am seeing these huge obstacles. I see the hurt and unfairness and I do not know how to navigate around it. The best way for me to get rid of this anxiety is to perceive our situation the way God sees it. I feel like answers to what is next are completely out of my sight, but maybe they are indeed closer than they appear. I have zero anxiety when Jeremy is driving our car. I never wonder if he can parallel park. I never fear that he can't navigate around different obstacles. So as cheesy as this sounds, I have to give God the keys to my life. If I truly believe that He is the one driving this crazy ride we are on then why should I be worried? Maybe it's my pride. Maybe it's the constant sinking feeling that this just isn't fair. I don't have the answers, but I will continue to bring this before the Father and keep trusting.
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| Sam and his friend were doing a free throw contest. It was a cool picture but then realized a lady sitting across from us barely had a shirt on! I added the sticker to cover her up. |
So Emma and I were a little bit bored watching the game. I have a hard time watching my kids play a sport. I know it's hard to believe, but it makes me nervous. I don't like when coaches and parents are taking things waaay too serious and so I kind of zone out. Emma found this filter on my phone and we had a some good laughs adding dinosaurs to our day yesterday.
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