Posts

Saturday, September 2, 2023

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  "I live with a difficult child. That is really hard to write, but the truth is that I have lived with a difficult child for about 14 years. The last few years have been unbearable at times."  I haven't written a post in a long time. The main reason is that I don't have a personal computer (my work computer will not let me log in with my personal email) and I absolutely hate writing from my phone, but here I am needing to write,so I write. When I logged on this evening I found that I had started to write a post on May 23, 2022, but never finished it. We had just come off one of the most difficult years with Chloe. I could be found most nights just crying in my bathroom or screaming, "I can't live in this house with her anymore!" Her treatment towards me had escalated so intensely that I didn't even speak to her for several days and I was a little afraid of her. She had been making so many poor choices at home and we just tried to keep them hidden. I

Tomorrow, 18 years cancer free

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 I  never really know how I am going to feel on this date every year. My emotions are running a little bit higher this year. My 18th year cancer free also means that my sweet baby boy is almost 18. I will wake up in the morning and think about the events that unfolded 18 years ago. I will relive almost every moment of that day. I remember waking up March 3, 2004 knowing that the person I had been up to that point would never be the same. I remember looking in the mirror that morning wondering what would become of me. We drove the hour away to the hospital. I remember waiting. I remember finally being placed in this tiny room and I put layers of hospital garb on. My parents and Jeremy's parents were in the room with me and I remember we were making small talk. There was a thick feeling of uncertainty in the room. There were people that stopped by to see me and since we had not been in SC long I really did not know them that well. Jeremy's uncle stopped by and I know he was tryin

Monday, July 19, 2021

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About nine years ago, our family had a moving truck all packed to head to Chicago.  We had said our "goodbyes" to our family and friends.  There was still one last goodbye I had to make and it was the one I was dreading the most. It wasn't a "goodbye" to a person,  but a place and a community that I had grown to love so much.   I drove my vehicle over to the Christian school that had become such an important place in our lives. The last thing I had to pack up was the boxes I had left in my classroom.  I loaded my vehicle and walked back inside to return my key. Nobody was at the school this day, so I tucked my classroom key in an envelope and dropped it in the elementary principal's mailbox.  As the key fell into the mailbox my heart hurt so badly and the tears burst from my eyes. I loved this school so much. I loved teaching there. I loved the people I worked with, the students, and the families.  This school welcomed Jeremy and I both into their doors at t

Tuesday, June 8, 2021

 Hello! It has been an extremely long time since I posted. I was even a little hesitant to write this post, but I felt like I should share some things that are going on in our life. If you actually clicked on this link then I know that you love our family and trust that you would pray for us as we embark on a new, but familiar, adventure.   I feel like I need to go back just a little bit. About two years ago J and I had sold our house and bought a new house. The kids were at new schools and I was homeschooling C. We kind of thought we had landed and was preparing to stay put for a very long time. It was not long before we started to feel the Lord was changing our heart towards a new direction. He started removing things that we held so close to us. Not necessarily in a bad way. There really wasn't anything bad that was happening,  we just started to feel our heart pulling us somewhere else. Well then the pandemic hit. We were so lonely and isolated.  We got it, it was kind of every

Monday, March 16, 2020

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I am not really sure how to begin this post. It has been a wild year so far and it looks like it will be a bit chaotic for a while. We are all experiencing big feelings these days. I realize that many have different opinions and suggestions and theories about what is going on in the world. My emotions and opinions have been all over the place this past week. Surprisingly for a highly anxious person, I have been mostly at peace. Oh don't get me wrong, I have shed some tears and I have been shaking with the fears of the unknown, but at the end of the day, I am trusting our Father. It would be foolish for me to try to figure out why this is all happening, so I am choosing to trust that there is a reason and a purpose for this madness and I am going to try my hardest to work on what the Lord is wanting me to learn through these uncertain days. So, on the subject of learning, my social media feeds have been filled with another fear that many of my friends and family are facing over thes

Tuesday, August 20, 2019

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We are now on day 5 of this school year. Thank you so much for praying for us (especially the kids) during this new school year. I am happy to report that things seem to be going well for all three kids. Sam has started to talk to a few kids, Emma seems to settling in nicely and getting to know people, and Chloe and I are learning the best way to navigate this homeschool thing. Last week was pretty rough on me. I spent a lot of time and energy last week wishing I could go back and make different decisions about where we found ourselves. Regretting and even considered trying to undo my choices. After the 10th text to my hubby he finally was like "okay you need to stop this, it's been two days" 😏. On Sunday our pastor preached on Jeremiah 29 and I was so convicted on how I had been acting. Jeremiah 29:11 is one of the most popular verses used. It is loved and quoted by so many because everyone loves the idea that God wants to prosper us, He wants to give us a future and a

Thursday, August 15, 2019

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We made it through day one back to school! I dropped Sam off at his school first and as I drove around to exit I cried and prayed that he would have a good day. I then drove a few minutes away to Emma's school, parked, and walked her up to the school. We were a few minutes early before the doors opened and there were like a million people waiting to get in. There was a girl standing in front of us who introduced herself to Emma and this was this girl's first time ever to attend a public school. There were not many parents waiting with their kids, so I left Emma right before the doors opened to let them in. I walked back to my car and just sat and cried for a few minutes. I headed home and Chloe and I dove right into our homeschool lessons. I felt kind of bad for her because I knew the other two would not be doing work on the first day, but there would not need to be all the introductory stuff that goes with the first day of school. I only planned a few things just to ease her i