Tuesday, March 29, 2016
I love to read. In fact reading is probably my favorite leisure activity. Sometimes I have to make myself not read because once I pick up a book I am no use for anything else. I picked up a new book on Friday and have stayed up way too late each night reading and my to-do list has not even been looked at. I believe that the difference between people who love to read and those who hate to read is the ability to transform oneself into the story you are reading. Every book I pick up I can make my mind become a part of the story. Reading each word as if I am a character in the book. Every once in a while I get a book and I just can't "get into it", these are the books I (gasp) never finish. This is also how I read the Bible. Each story, each verse I read I can place myself in the crowd or a bystander looking on observing and living in my mind and heart what is happening. There is always one story in the Bible that I have to be honest, makes me squirm a little bit.
Matthew 14:22-32
22 Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. 23 And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24 but the boat by this time was a long way[b] from the land,[c] beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. 25 And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. 26 But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. 27 But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”
I realize that these verses are very well known. I mean how many references, bumper stickers, church signs, ect. have been made about Jesus walking on the water? The answer is a lot! So this is why this story makes me squirm. When I read this story I have a hard time putting myself in the story. Several of my worst fears are involved in this story, large body of open water and a storm, no thank you. I find myself hesitant to get into the boat, but Jesus told them to get in the boat, so I follow. I see myself curled up in a ball in the safest part of the boat just praying that this is a short trip across the big body of murky water and try not to think about what could be lurking in the water below. Things are going well on this trip when all of a sudden a storm hits and full panic starts to set in. In the middle of this storm Jesus comes walking on the water and I hear Peter ask Jesus to tell him to get out of the boat! Are you kidding me Peter? What are you thinking? I am sitting here still curled in a ball belting out "I will praise in this storm" just waiting for Jesus to keep walking to the boat and climb in, and you are asking to get out the boat?! With astonishment Jesus tells Peter to get out and walk to him and Peter gets out of the boat.
I would say that most of the time this story is taught to reassure believers that in the storms of life Jesus is there to help us. When we take our eyes off of Him we start to sink and He reaches down to us and pulls us back to safety. I totally agree with that teaching, but what has hit me the last few months is the fact that how different would this lesson be if Peter never got out of the boat. I have been thinking so much about that part of the story and have realized that for the last year and a half I have become very comfortable just sitting in the boat.
At the beginning of this year I became very convicted about my lack of participation in life. Maybe that sounds weird, but when it was decided that I would not go back to work I kind of checked out of society. I have mentioned before that was a concern for me because the thought if never having to interact with people outside my family was okay by me (NOT OKAY). The last 8 months or so the Lord has placed people in my life that have pulled me out of my comfortable introvert bubble, but it had become clear that my lack of social interaction had made my social anxiety reach a new level. Emotionally and mentally I was struggling. I was not using abilities and gifts that God had given me, I was keeping them on a shelf in my closet and I had a great nudging that it was time to get out on the water in my boat and be vigilant for what God was going to do next. You see, technically I was in the boat, but it was docked safely on the shore. So in January I wanted my word for 2016 to be "Available". I told God that I wanted to be available for whatever He wanted me to do this year, knowing that it might require getting out of the boat. Within a week I started getting asked to be part of opportunities that would require some faith. A month later we were told to take a step and move the kids to the Christian school. I mentioned that even before we enrolled the kids I was asked about subbing. I once again sat on this request. I didn't want to get out of the boat on this one quite yet, but the pull on my heart to step out continued. I sent my resume to the principal on a Sunday and I was subbing the next day. Just a side note, can you guess what the Bible lesson was on that first day of subbing :)? Yep, this exact lesson. That led to almost a month of subbing and I was contacted yesterday about staying on the rest of the year with an opportunity to stay on this position next year if everything continues to work out on both of our ends. Over and over the last month I have been asked to get out the boat. I am nervous, I feel inadequate to do some of the things other have asked me to do, I fight that inner pull that just wants to stay curled up in my comfort zone, but I know that God has some work He wants me to do. So with as much faith as I can muster I am stepping out of the boat knowing that Jesus is already there, already ready to pull me out when I start to drown in my own anxieties and insecurities.
Sorry for the super long post. This has been on my heart and life has been so busy I just haven't been able to sit down and write. I have been subbing almost every day the last month and then the flu took over my household wiping every one out. I managed to avoid the flu, but taking care of everyone else was just as draining. We have been on spring break all of last week and we still are off this week. Papa and Gran came to visit us last week. Emma got braces and looks too much like a teenager (be still my heart). This week we will be attempting to get the house organized and get caught up on all the things that I have been neglecting. I know I have said this before, but I am so thankful for the people on our life who love my family and pray for us, so I ask that as I enter a new phase in life that you will pray that I will continue to be obedient to whatever He has wants me to do.
Matthew 14:22-32
22 Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. 23 And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24 but the boat by this time was a long way[b] from the land,[c] beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. 25 And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. 26 But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. 27 But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”
28 And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” 29 He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind,[d]he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.”31 Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” 32 And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased
I realize that these verses are very well known. I mean how many references, bumper stickers, church signs, ect. have been made about Jesus walking on the water? The answer is a lot! So this is why this story makes me squirm. When I read this story I have a hard time putting myself in the story. Several of my worst fears are involved in this story, large body of open water and a storm, no thank you. I find myself hesitant to get into the boat, but Jesus told them to get in the boat, so I follow. I see myself curled up in a ball in the safest part of the boat just praying that this is a short trip across the big body of murky water and try not to think about what could be lurking in the water below. Things are going well on this trip when all of a sudden a storm hits and full panic starts to set in. In the middle of this storm Jesus comes walking on the water and I hear Peter ask Jesus to tell him to get out of the boat! Are you kidding me Peter? What are you thinking? I am sitting here still curled in a ball belting out "I will praise in this storm" just waiting for Jesus to keep walking to the boat and climb in, and you are asking to get out the boat?! With astonishment Jesus tells Peter to get out and walk to him and Peter gets out of the boat.
I would say that most of the time this story is taught to reassure believers that in the storms of life Jesus is there to help us. When we take our eyes off of Him we start to sink and He reaches down to us and pulls us back to safety. I totally agree with that teaching, but what has hit me the last few months is the fact that how different would this lesson be if Peter never got out of the boat. I have been thinking so much about that part of the story and have realized that for the last year and a half I have become very comfortable just sitting in the boat.
At the beginning of this year I became very convicted about my lack of participation in life. Maybe that sounds weird, but when it was decided that I would not go back to work I kind of checked out of society. I have mentioned before that was a concern for me because the thought if never having to interact with people outside my family was okay by me (NOT OKAY). The last 8 months or so the Lord has placed people in my life that have pulled me out of my comfortable introvert bubble, but it had become clear that my lack of social interaction had made my social anxiety reach a new level. Emotionally and mentally I was struggling. I was not using abilities and gifts that God had given me, I was keeping them on a shelf in my closet and I had a great nudging that it was time to get out on the water in my boat and be vigilant for what God was going to do next. You see, technically I was in the boat, but it was docked safely on the shore. So in January I wanted my word for 2016 to be "Available". I told God that I wanted to be available for whatever He wanted me to do this year, knowing that it might require getting out of the boat. Within a week I started getting asked to be part of opportunities that would require some faith. A month later we were told to take a step and move the kids to the Christian school. I mentioned that even before we enrolled the kids I was asked about subbing. I once again sat on this request. I didn't want to get out of the boat on this one quite yet, but the pull on my heart to step out continued. I sent my resume to the principal on a Sunday and I was subbing the next day. Just a side note, can you guess what the Bible lesson was on that first day of subbing :)? Yep, this exact lesson. That led to almost a month of subbing and I was contacted yesterday about staying on the rest of the year with an opportunity to stay on this position next year if everything continues to work out on both of our ends. Over and over the last month I have been asked to get out the boat. I am nervous, I feel inadequate to do some of the things other have asked me to do, I fight that inner pull that just wants to stay curled up in my comfort zone, but I know that God has some work He wants me to do. So with as much faith as I can muster I am stepping out of the boat knowing that Jesus is already there, already ready to pull me out when I start to drown in my own anxieties and insecurities.
Sorry for the super long post. This has been on my heart and life has been so busy I just haven't been able to sit down and write. I have been subbing almost every day the last month and then the flu took over my household wiping every one out. I managed to avoid the flu, but taking care of everyone else was just as draining. We have been on spring break all of last week and we still are off this week. Papa and Gran came to visit us last week. Emma got braces and looks too much like a teenager (be still my heart). This week we will be attempting to get the house organized and get caught up on all the things that I have been neglecting. I know I have said this before, but I am so thankful for the people on our life who love my family and pray for us, so I ask that as I enter a new phase in life that you will pray that I will continue to be obedient to whatever He has wants me to do.
Comments
Post a Comment