This is a hard post for me to write. I am not completely sure why I have struggled to sit down and write down about some more changes coming to our life. Maybe because I am struggling with this decision. Struggling not because I don't fee like God is asking us to do this, just struggling because my selfish nature doesn't know if I have the courage to obey. We have decided to put our house on the market. We have an amazing house and those who walked with us during our search for a home and those that endured my endless complaints of living in that apartment probably think we are crazy. I had someone recently tell me as I was telling them the possibility of selling said to me, "But Kim, God gave you that house!" I 100% agreed with her. This house opened up at the perfect, most crucial time in our lives. We were going through a difficult time of God closing a door to plant the church and we were barely surviving living in the conditions and environment of the apartment. God allowed us to purchase this house at an unbelievable price and it ultimately led us to the Brook and to the many people in our church who are now our family. We talked with our realtor a few weeks ago and the market right now is really good in our neighborhood. If we sell the this house we will be able to pay off all of our debt, have some left over to put down on another house (or help rent), and probably enough to pay for the kids school next year. The Lord did give us this house, maybe for this very season in our life.
The Lord has been so faithful to us financially. We have never lacked anything. We have gone through several times in our marriage that neither one of us was getting paid. We have had many times of money having no idea where the money was going to come in to meet our basic needs, but the Lord always provided. Most of the debt we have been carrying stems back to 2007-2008. We do not live a lavish lifestyle, but the Lord asked us to adopt and adoption is not cheap. The year the girls came home we had to get access to over $80,000. When we adopted Samuel we were both working at a Christian school, so we were making very little. When Emma came home Jeremy was teaching at the Christian school and I was only working part time as a nanny. The Lord used so many people to help make a dent in the adoption cost, but for the most part we have carried that debt. We have paid most of it off, but there is a small amount that we just haven't been able to pay completely off. This last year with Jeremy making a significant amount less we have not been able to make as much of a dent in the last little bit. This last year we have grown so much and at the end of the day the Lord has told us that selling our house will give our family the financial freedom that we so desperately crave. We want to be generous with our finances and we want to be free from the weight of debt that has been over us. I love this house. I really do not want to move. Oh, just a side note, we are still planning on living in Chicago. The Lord has not told us to leave Chicago. I was just imaging our TN friends and family thinking, "Oh dear Jesus bring them back home to TN" 😊. We have no idea where we will move when the house sells. It's a scary place to be for me. The unknown and uncertainty, but I have to believe that the Lord is working out all of those details. He gave us this house for the season that we needed and He will open up another house for the next season we are going into.
I also think this move is what is needed for my heart to have complete freedom from the hurt that took hold in my heart this this. There are only a handful of times that I can think of where people really hurt me by the way they deceived me or my family. About five years ago we were living in the apartment and we were trying to plant a church and work full time and we were in desperate need of someone to come along side of us and help. The Lord opened an opportunity and a family moved to Chicago to help us and we were so relieved. We were launching the church in September, in October this family told us that God was calling them to help with another church in the city. I know I am about to sound super judgmental, but I believe with all of my heart that the reasoning was totally selfish. There were too many other factors involved and I think a decision was made out of selfish motive and God's calling was just something slapped on so we couldn't argue with it. I was hurt and I felt like we were used to get them to Chicago under the pretense that God had called them to help us! The worst part, the family was still living right under our noses! I say all of that to say, it was hard knowing that the person who had hurt us so much (unapologetic) was so close by. They carried on with their life not even considering how much it was affecting our life. I was in consent turmoil of not trying to run into this person outside or doing laundry. Bitterness was setting in as I saw them leave on Sunday mornings to help at an already established church, while we were scrambling to get help. I could not get past the hurt completely before it was always right in front of me. Once we moved from that neighborhood, I haven't thought of those people or the hurt since I was thinking out this post. I was removed from the proximity of always trying to get a glimpse of what they were up to and I was able to move on. That situation has an all too familiar vibe to where I find myself right now. I am not sure complete healing can come if those who hurt us are still right in front of us.
I ask that you pray with us on this matter. God is good even in the constant changes of life. I wrestle with the not understanding of what the Lord is up to, but I am called to obey and let Him work out the details.
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| "To obey is better than sacrifice" |
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| One bonus of the house on the market, I have an excuse to keep fresh flowers in my kitchen! Fresh flowers are my favorite! |
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| Yesterday we celebrated Samuel being home for 13 years! I didn't post about yesterday because most of you know our story and if you know me you know how this boy saved my life. |
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| Gotcha Day treat! He loves monkey bread, but since the great Thanksgiving 2017 fire because of monkey bread it is banned from being baked in my house 😰. He settled for the frozen, made in the microwave monkey bread. |
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