Saturday, December 1, 2018

How? How in the world is today December 1st! We had a great Thanksgiving even though I have to honest that I was a little apprehensive as it was approaching. This was the first time I would not be celebrating a holiday in my childhood home and I was not sure how emotionally prepared I was for this new house. We left at 1:30 on Wednesday to head to Missouri. Jeremy did not have school, Samuel dismissed early and we always dismiss at 1:00 on Wednesdays, so we left from my school since it is already on the other city of downtown. The reality of not going "home" surfaced as we passed the exit we usually would take and Emma declared "well we would already be at Grandma's house if they still lived here". Nope, we still had like 6 hours to go 😡 We got to my parent's house in Missouri Wednesday night and the kids were super excited to explore their new house. The house is so pretty and it fits my mom personality perfectly and every room has her touch for making a house a home. My final conclusion of the visit it that home is wherever your mama lives. I am super sentimental and it was a bit odd to be in a place that holds zero memories for me, but we already have started making new memories that I will add to my memory bank. We had a nice meal on Thursday and then my sister and her family arrived later that evening. I had not seen them since last Christmas! My 3 year old niece (my birthday buddy) had so much fun together. It didn't take nearly as much time for her to warm up to me this time, so we spent lots of time laughing and playing. She was the pirate and I was her assistance 😊. The weekend went way to fast and we were eager to get home Sunday before the blizzard hit Chicago. We got home Sunday night and was praying school would be cancelled the next day. Despite the snowy conditions we still had snow. The roads and driving conditions were terrible Monday morning and if I had to do it over again I would of decided to keep the kids home. The roads were not plowed and it was still snowing and blowing so the visibility was ridiculous. Thankfully we made it safely to school and back home. We are just settling in and trying to hang on for three more weeks for Christmas break! Chloe has had a few okay weeks. Nothing too serious at school. Her teachers are amazing (great thing about having two teachers in almost every class) and can keep a close eye on her and try to remove any temptation from her. At home we have had a few issues and we are really trying to pick our battles with her. Which is really hard sometimes. So many little issues that I am trying to not make a big deal about, but they are big deals because she is doing things that she has been told a zillion times not to do. It is just so tricky because I just get so frustrated and I do not know the degree in which she understands her decisions. Please just continue to pray for her and us and her teachers as we are still trying to get a plan to help her.
I was reminded this morning that it was a year ago today that we would enter a very difficult season in our life. One year ago today my husband sat me down and broke the news to me that we had been used, lied to, and tricked. I remember him telling me about the meeting he had that morning and i just stared at him because I could not believe what he was telling me. We had completing altered our life based on deception from people that we never dreamt we would be hurt by. We would then spend that evening surrounded by families we had grown to love so full of hope and great expectations and we were dying inside. It would begin months of our heart breaking, having our family name smeared to make them look like the victim, months of wondering why God was allowing this season of  uncertainty and completely questioning what was going on. A season of being thankful that we were rooted and grounded in our faith and our belief that the Church was so much more than a church because if not be probably would of walked away. Beginning of a season of so many tears and fighting every day not to say what was exactly on my mind. As I think back to the events that changed so many of us I can honestly say now that I am in a good place. Unfortunately it has made me somewhat cynical and those feelings are new to me and I don't really like feeling this way. It also is a new struggle not to be happy when word comes to me of things coming to the surface or of things not going so well. I mentioned this before but as more information is revealed I believe it even more, during those hard months I felt like we were in the fire waiting for God to deliver us when in truth I believe the struggle was actually part of the rescue, we were being delivered and the pain was just part of the process of bringing us out.  A few weeks ago we sang the song the song "Do it Again" by Elevation Worship and I remembered singing that song during those heart wrenching months and the hope we were clinging to. As I stood there singing this time I was overwhelmed by the promise that we were living it right now, we were witnessing Him doing it again and it was in that moment that I knew true healing was taking place.
"I know the night won't last
Your Word will come to pass
My heart will sing Your praise again
Jesus, You're still enough
Keep me within Your love
My heart will sing Your praise again
"I've seen You move, You move the mountains
And I believe, I'll see You do it again
You made a way, where there was no way
And I believe, I'll see You do it again"

Our commute is a pain in the rear, but most mornings the view leaves me amazed. I don't think I will ever get over this spectacular view. Even with all of it's trouble, I love this city and I am thankful the Lord hasn't asked us to leave this amazing city.