The last thirty-six hours or so have been rough. I have shared for the last 9 years about the struggles we have with Chloe. It is no secret that we have seen some dark days in regards to her behavior. We go through spurts were we do not have any major issues and then we have weeks were we are broken over how to help our daughter. We have been vigilant about Chloe these last few months, but I guess not vigilant enough. Our lives have been turned upside down. The atmosphere in our home has been one filled with heaviness and sadness. I knew it was effecting her. There were things at the house that revealed to me that she has slipped into some habits and compulsions. I started hearing about hostile relationships in the classroom and escalated behavior problems at school. Everything came to a head yesterday when I was informed that something happened that involved her and I was crushed. As I was dealing with that issue, Jeremy texted me that someone saw on FB that a parent posted something that involved one of our daughters. She was upset because nothing was being done because the mom was a teacher and the dad used to be the principal. I was so upset, but I had bigger problems at the moment. I felt once again the whirlwind of panic and fear start to swirl around me. I was shaking and was so overwhelmed. I got the one issue sorted out and contacted the parent from FB directly apologizing and explaining that if I had known we would of addressed it. I felt a little relieved to talk through that situation, but the heaviness still consumed me. Jeremy came and picked Chloe up early from school and took her somewhere for someone to talk to her and frankly try to scare her into a realization that she is on a road that will end with serious consequences if she continues to keep making the choices she is making. Jeremy and I also decided that it would probably be best for Chloe to start at a new school. The change of environment and the resources that are available in public school could be good for her.
I got home from school and I knew that I needed to do another deep clean of her room. I mentioned a few weeks ago that at least once a month I pull everything out in her room because I know she hides a variety of things. I found another bag of trash in her closet. Dozens of candy wrappers and other food items, similar to the stash I found a month ago. I pulled her bed out and to my absolute horror I found something that did not belong to her. She was honest with me and told me who it belonged to. I was in absolute shock and despair as I thought about the fact that the person had been looking for that item for over a month. I was furious, embarrassed, mortified, absolutely distraught. I said things that I know I should not of said. I reacted in ways that I can only pray that do not stay burned into my daughters heart.Jeremy emailed the person who the items belonged to. We were going to bring it to her last night, but she did not read her email last night. We all tried to get some sleep last night, thankful for God's promise of new mercies when we wake. Jeremy and Chloe got up early and got ready to head out together. My daughter had tears streaming down her face as I brushed her hair and got her ready to head out into the unknown. Tears flowed as I tried to convince her that this was a fresh start. A chance for her to make friends and not be in Emma's shadow. Tears still flowed as I ask Jeremy is we were making the right decision. She cried the entire way to her new school.
I headed to school with a heavy heart as I knew I would need to make things right with the person my daughter had done wrong to. I got to school and with the item in my pocket I went to the person and I was so broken as I explained to her what had happened. As shame and embarrassment swept over me this lady hugged me and told me she loved me and Chloe and the enemy was using this very situation to gain victory in our already weary hearts. Her mercy and love was more than I could ask for. Jeremy sent me texts throughout the day and my heart rejoiced as he told me of how many people took Chloe into their lives with open, non-judgmental arms. This is not going to be easy. We are earnestly seeking professional help on how to help our daughter. Please pray with us. Pray that we are directed to the right physicians and professionals that can help us. Obviously I am not telling everything that has been happening, but there are some serious concerns. Pray for Chloe as she finishes the school year at another school. I pray that she finds a friend and that teachers will invest their time in helping her become more confidant in her schoolwork. Please pray for Sam and Emma and that the Lord will soften their heart towards their sister. Pray for me as the enemy plants lies in my heart that I am not the one suitable to parent this child. At one point last night I am pretty sure I threw my hands up in defeat. I truly believe the Lord crafted the circumstances in us bringing Chloe home in such a way that there would not be any doubt that I was the one made for this. He knew there would be these days that I will doubt, but the story of our lives coming together leave no room for that doubt. This afternoon I took her to the store and we got her a new pair of tennis shoes and a uniform shirt. We sat in the car and I asked my daughter to forgive me for the things I said last night that were hurtful. Just like the lady this morning, Chloe offered me more mercy and love than I deserved.
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| The first line to the email sent to us in response to Jeremy's email |
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| After school today |
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