Monday, November 17, 2014
It has been a rough week emotionally. I guess it was expected since last Sunday was just a blessing hearing all the chatter in my living room about the possibilities of Redemption Church. The room was filled with awesome things stirring! Monday and Tuesday were spent talking and listening to what we could do to help Chloe, which is always emotional for me. Tuesday's doctor appointment went well and we have been referred to a couple of specialists that focus on social spectrum of autism. Nobody is saying she has autism, but there is a processing delay in every area for Chloe and we just do not know to what extent. The week just got worse from there.
I hate to admit that I was going to use this blog post as a sounding board for the anger and discouragement that has seized my heart and soul, but even in my emotional state I know that that is not beneficial. I just do not know how to process these feelings. The last time I was this angry and disappointed was in 2005 and trust me I did not handle it well. I actually called the person and told them off. I later called back and apologized and he knew how mad I was to react in that way, but it was not the way to handle the situation. Maybe this situation is similar because I feel like promises were made and then I was strung along for weeks when the other party already knew that circumstances had changed and the end result would have significant impacts on my family and the things most precious to my heart. But maybe worse than the anger is the discouragement that has now taken hold, After service yesterday I spent the rest of the day in bed crying for the most part. I did not know much about the Alamo until last summer, but I feel like we are in our own personal Alamo. We are here for a cause worth fighting for, but we are begging those who could come and help to come and they are refusing and the ones who said they would fight with us have moved on to safer places.
I just need lots of prayer. I reached out to several of my biggest prayer warriors this weekend and I cannot express how grateful I am for them. I know God is working things out for our good, but it is just a little hard to see. I have to keep remembering He is faithful and I just have to keep pressing on.
I hate to admit that I was going to use this blog post as a sounding board for the anger and discouragement that has seized my heart and soul, but even in my emotional state I know that that is not beneficial. I just do not know how to process these feelings. The last time I was this angry and disappointed was in 2005 and trust me I did not handle it well. I actually called the person and told them off. I later called back and apologized and he knew how mad I was to react in that way, but it was not the way to handle the situation. Maybe this situation is similar because I feel like promises were made and then I was strung along for weeks when the other party already knew that circumstances had changed and the end result would have significant impacts on my family and the things most precious to my heart. But maybe worse than the anger is the discouragement that has now taken hold, After service yesterday I spent the rest of the day in bed crying for the most part. I did not know much about the Alamo until last summer, but I feel like we are in our own personal Alamo. We are here for a cause worth fighting for, but we are begging those who could come and help to come and they are refusing and the ones who said they would fight with us have moved on to safer places.
I just need lots of prayer. I reached out to several of my biggest prayer warriors this weekend and I cannot express how grateful I am for them. I know God is working things out for our good, but it is just a little hard to see. I have to keep remembering He is faithful and I just have to keep pressing on.
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