Saturday, November 3, 2012- Happy Gotcha Day Chloe!
Four years ago today as the nation and probably the world waited and watched to find out who the new President of our nation would be, our family did not have the results of the election on our mind at all. New changes were coming to our country, but we were focused on the change that was coming to our family. On an early Tuesday morning four years ago Jeremy and I, Samuel( who was 4 years old), and Emma (who was one week away from turning two), left Nashville, TN and headed to Detroit to pick up another daughter for the 2nd time in the past 6 months:) I would have 2 one year olds at least for a week!We got to the Detroit airport and my parents and uncle, aunt, and cousin (who live close to Detroit) were at the airport waiting with us for our new arrival. It was not crowded like it was when we picked up Sam, but we waited what seemed like forever! It took so long for Chloe and her escort to get through customs. It was actually cutting it pretty close before our flight back to Nashville was going to leave, but finally a young Korean women came through the doors of customs. At first we were surprised because we did not see a baby with her, but as she turned we realized that she was carrying Chloe in her back. She sat Chloe down in the middle of Sam and Emma and Chloe looked a little frightened and a little happy to see two kids that looked like her. Chloe started to cry and the escort picked her back up and started patting her. I wanted to get my hands on her and we really needed to grab her and catch our next flight, but I did not want to be rude. I think we finally edged her away from the escort said our good-byes to my family and headed back to TN. I remember walking through the airport and Chloe kept patting my back with her little hand. We were met at the Nashville airport with our other family and friends and we knew that once again we had the love and support to help us with three babies!
We came home that night and the truth is, Chloe was the easiest those first few nights. She really did not cry or scream like the other two. We really thought the third time was a charm. We had this parenting thing down, right? Sam was a wonderful 4-year-old. Emma started out rough, but she was progressing nicely and was a delightful 2-year-old and we felt like pretty accomplished parents:) It did not take us long to realize that Chloe had a will that was unbreakable. We started to realize this when she hated to be restraint in any way. She hated the car seat. She did not want to be held too close. She would not even let us sit down on any type of furniture with her. She screamed any time she no longer felt in control. We worked around this. Then the unthinkable started to happy (I am smiling), she started putting her hands and arms and other objects in the toilet! She started getting into things that she did not need to get into. This was completely new to me! Yes, I realize this is the norm for many kids, but this was new to me. We brushed this off and dealt with it as having a 18 month old. Those who have followed me and my family know that Chloe has been a struggle for us most of the time. I will be honest, I have cried many tears over Chloe's behavior. I have felt like a failure as a parent. And if I may be even more transparent, the strain on adopting two in the same year and one of these kids aging my beyond my years put a strain on our family many times in the past four years. There have been many nights that I have just thrown up my hands because we do not know what else to do. A few weeks ago when we were having such a hard time with her behavior and her lying to us and I was at my wit's end, I wondered how may times the Lord is frustrated with us as His children. How many times has He told me to stop doing such and such and here I am again doing it again. How many times have I lied to make things seem like the right thing to do, or how many times have I tried to be sneaky and do things when I know He knows and it will be revealed?
At the end of the day and as I reflect on these past four years with our extremely strong-willed child:) I love my Chloe Bear. I believe that some of her behavior stemmed from the fact that she was the third child and kind of ushered in under the wing of Emma. To this day some people we have not seen in a while think we only have two kids because Chloe's adoption happened soo fast. I am thankful she is my daughter, the good and the bad, I am thankful she calls "mom". I cannot go into all the details, but a few months after we heard about adopting Chloe we thought we would not be adding her to our family. The morning we were in Korea to meet Emma, we got a call from our agency in MI and was told that there was a mix-up and the other baby (Chloe) would probably not be ours, but that the Korean agency wanted to talk to us. That morning in February as we were anticipating finally meeting Emma, we sat in the adoption agency in Korea and pleaded our case the best we could to make her ours. We promised that day to the Korean agency that we wanted the best for her and we would love her because in our hearts she was already ours. We left Korea with our precious Emma and I think we left a piece of our heart to the daughter we thought we would never in this life see or hold. From February to April I had a constant battle with myself. Emma was a handful and openly stated I could not handle another baby so soon. I also cried many nights at the empty place in my heart for the daughter that I was already connected with. We did had not seen a picture and did not have any information in Chloe, except that she was Samuel's half-sister, but in my heart she was already mine and I knew deep down that my heart would never heal from that fact. I will never forget that day in April. Our social worker sat on our love seat and I was across the room sitting on the couch with Emma. She was there to do our post placement visit for Emma. We went through all the questions about Emma and she closed her file and opened up another file and said, "Now let's talk about your other baby!" I was speechless. I remember telling her not to take my silence as not being excited. I was literally speechless. Jeremy was at work so you can it was just us three in the living room with this amazing news. The Korean agency decided to let us adopt Chloe and we are beyond thankful for their decision!!
Her first night home!
Last night after finally earning the reward to sleep in the living room on Friday night!
We came home that night and the truth is, Chloe was the easiest those first few nights. She really did not cry or scream like the other two. We really thought the third time was a charm. We had this parenting thing down, right? Sam was a wonderful 4-year-old. Emma started out rough, but she was progressing nicely and was a delightful 2-year-old and we felt like pretty accomplished parents:) It did not take us long to realize that Chloe had a will that was unbreakable. We started to realize this when she hated to be restraint in any way. She hated the car seat. She did not want to be held too close. She would not even let us sit down on any type of furniture with her. She screamed any time she no longer felt in control. We worked around this. Then the unthinkable started to happy (I am smiling), she started putting her hands and arms and other objects in the toilet! She started getting into things that she did not need to get into. This was completely new to me! Yes, I realize this is the norm for many kids, but this was new to me. We brushed this off and dealt with it as having a 18 month old. Those who have followed me and my family know that Chloe has been a struggle for us most of the time. I will be honest, I have cried many tears over Chloe's behavior. I have felt like a failure as a parent. And if I may be even more transparent, the strain on adopting two in the same year and one of these kids aging my beyond my years put a strain on our family many times in the past four years. There have been many nights that I have just thrown up my hands because we do not know what else to do. A few weeks ago when we were having such a hard time with her behavior and her lying to us and I was at my wit's end, I wondered how may times the Lord is frustrated with us as His children. How many times has He told me to stop doing such and such and here I am again doing it again. How many times have I lied to make things seem like the right thing to do, or how many times have I tried to be sneaky and do things when I know He knows and it will be revealed?
At the end of the day and as I reflect on these past four years with our extremely strong-willed child:) I love my Chloe Bear. I believe that some of her behavior stemmed from the fact that she was the third child and kind of ushered in under the wing of Emma. To this day some people we have not seen in a while think we only have two kids because Chloe's adoption happened soo fast. I am thankful she is my daughter, the good and the bad, I am thankful she calls "mom". I cannot go into all the details, but a few months after we heard about adopting Chloe we thought we would not be adding her to our family. The morning we were in Korea to meet Emma, we got a call from our agency in MI and was told that there was a mix-up and the other baby (Chloe) would probably not be ours, but that the Korean agency wanted to talk to us. That morning in February as we were anticipating finally meeting Emma, we sat in the adoption agency in Korea and pleaded our case the best we could to make her ours. We promised that day to the Korean agency that we wanted the best for her and we would love her because in our hearts she was already ours. We left Korea with our precious Emma and I think we left a piece of our heart to the daughter we thought we would never in this life see or hold. From February to April I had a constant battle with myself. Emma was a handful and openly stated I could not handle another baby so soon. I also cried many nights at the empty place in my heart for the daughter that I was already connected with. We did had not seen a picture and did not have any information in Chloe, except that she was Samuel's half-sister, but in my heart she was already mine and I knew deep down that my heart would never heal from that fact. I will never forget that day in April. Our social worker sat on our love seat and I was across the room sitting on the couch with Emma. She was there to do our post placement visit for Emma. We went through all the questions about Emma and she closed her file and opened up another file and said, "Now let's talk about your other baby!" I was speechless. I remember telling her not to take my silence as not being excited. I was literally speechless. Jeremy was at work so you can it was just us three in the living room with this amazing news. The Korean agency decided to let us adopt Chloe and we are beyond thankful for their decision!!
Her first night home!
Last night after finally earning the reward to sleep in the living room on Friday night!
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