Sunday, March 11, 2018

It has not been an easy week. I did not get much rest last weekend. I was really excited about the high school choice for Samuel, but then that ole enemy started to get inside my head. Thoughts like, "that's awesome, but how are you going to pay for that?" and " you have to pay for the girls school too and your husband doesn't have a job yet." So many other worries came crashing down on me. Monday morning I was faced first thing dealing with some of the unpleasant things about being a teacher. Trying to get the correct information on an incident that had happened last week. It is bothersome to me because I know I cannot see everything that happens in my classroom, but I make it a top priority to always be vigilant and diffuse situations before they even happen. I had some behavioral issues with a few of my kids and that is also troubling to me as I try to figure our how to help them make better choices. Drama and more drama that I cannot talk about. A little more drama that I cannot talk about. My girls had some issues. Back at the beginning of school we got an email about Chloe bothering this person's kid (email from the parent, not the teacher). It basically said that Chloe wanted to be friends  with this kid. They know Chloe has issues and they teach their kid to be kind, but basically the kid wanted better options for friends. I was crushed and Chloe was crushed. I know Chloe is awkward when it comes to making friends. She struggles to find friends her own age. I have gotten really good at reading the people around Chloe to tell if Chloe is coming on too strong. The day before this email my heart was actually hopeful as I had watched her interact with this kid and felt like she had truly found a friend. It is a painful heartbreak holding your sobbing daughter as she yells, "I thought she was my friend!" Well, apparently Emma is now bullying this same kid. We get an email basically saying we are terrible parents and that we need to teach our children respect. I know that my children are not perfect. Yes, they are mean and disrespectful sometimes, but you better believe that they are disciplined and lectured if we find out they have been acting that way. Of course the other kid left out their role in the situation. I also had to see a certain person on two separate occasions this week that has been involved in a rumor that is going around that I am hard to work with. Somebody called my teacher's assistant telling her she was praying for her because she heard she was having a hard year with me. I would love to elaborate on this situation, but I also found out that I have a blog stalker. Someone is reading my blog and taking things I say and taking offense to them and running and telling people. I am not sure who is doing this and the people they are telling wouldn't know me if I was sitting in their car next to them, but nonetheless, my words are being twisted and people are looking for a reason to make me look bad. I thought about stopping my blog, but then I decided that I will not let negative people have that kind of power over me, especially people who do not even know me. Anyway, Thursday was a super long day. Emma has band before school so we were there early. Thursday night was the annual spaghetti dinner that is put on by the 8th graders to raise money for their class trip. Since I have an 8th grader, I went straight to help after school and we did not get home until 9:00 that night. Friday our class celebrated reaching their goal or reading 1,000 books together. We were learning the letter "P" this week, so we had a Pajama and Pancake Party to celebrate. It was so much fun. It was a long day and it was a little hectic. I woke up early and made the bacon and then we made the pancakes on our griddle in the classroom. Those 4 year olds can eat some pancakes! It was a good way to end a pretty depressing week.
I slept in yesterday. I had great plans to get my house cleaned, but I also had to get groceries. I cleaned a little in the morning but then after I got back from the grocery store I was pretty wiped out. The Cubs were on TV so I just rested for most of the day. Today was church and I am so thankful for the Word that was delivered by our Pastor. I am so thankful that our church is our Family and they are walking with us during this crummy time in our life. This past week all I could see was the gloom and despair. People can say what they like about my family, but the heartbeat of my life is to only worship my Savior. I don't always get it right. I fall. I have to apologize. My heart isn't always pure, but the Lord is showing me where I need to make changes.  This morning during worship the line from the song "Your Glory" just spoke directly to my weary heart. Help me Jesus to tune out the negative voices and only focus on the fact that You hold my heart and I long to bring Him glory in my life.
 My life is Yours

And my hope is in You only
And my heart You hold
'Cause You made this sinner holy
And holy, holy

'Cause Your glory is so beautiful
I fall onto my knees in awe
And the heartbeat of my life
Is to worship in Your light
'Cause Your glory is so beautiful