It has been a heavy week. A heaviness that at times would make me believe that my heart and soul would be crushed from the pain. I did not sleep well last Sunday night. The anxiety of what I would face on Monday would not allow sleep to come. I think I finally drifted to a light sleep around 2:30 Monday morning. I woke up around 6 and begged the Lord to please give me courage. He did. I headed off for the day with my head held high knowing that the Lord would get me through whatever I would be facing. Tuesday we headed to Michigan to say our good-byes to my cousin Mark. We stayed the night with Jeremy's brother on Tuesday night. It was good for our souls to be around family and love on our nieces. Wednesday we drove about 45 minutes farther to attend the service for my cousin. It was a beautiful service honoring an amazing man. I wish the circumstances were different, but it was so good to see family that I have not seen in years. It is in those moments that the sadness how years gone by start to creep in. My heart would be heavy as I thought about how quickly the years have gone by and how I long for those days as kids running around my Grandma's and Paw's house, memories made at our house and my Uncle Mike's house. It also made me think about life and how much time and energy I have wasted on negative people in our life. Life is too short to let our current situation control my life. The problem is actually putting that into practice. We got back into the city Wednesday night. As I climbed into bed Wednesday night my old friend anxiety decided to come for a visit. The anxiety and fear of what the next day would bring once again flooded my mind. It also has not helped this week that we have had snow on two different days. I felt like the Winter was mocking the winter that has consumed my heart. I made it through this past week by pouring my focus on my sweet kiddos and knowing that whatever is going on my focus is still on getting them ready for their next step. I pray that the Lord continues to give me courage and helps me to finish the task He has assigned to me this year. I made my final decision on Friday that I would not be returning to my current employment next year. Tears still flow as I write that sentence. My heart is so broken. It was my decision but considering the circumstances it was the only decision that could be made. I will leave that for another post. I invested so much time and money this past summer into my classroom because I never would of guessed that it would only be for a year. My heart hurts as I think about packing it all back up. I am officially applying at other schools and I pray that the Lord directs me to where He can best use me. Jeremy had a few interviews this past week so please continue to pray. We also are praying about some pretty major changes in our life. It would be difficult to make more changes, but we are in a tough spot right now and we are seeking the Lord's face for what our next steps will be. Jeremy also started driving today for Lyft and I ask that you would pray with me for protection and that the Lord will provide the rides to make the money we need for each day. Yesterday afternoon I sat on my couch and I just cried. I do not like where we are right now, spiritually, emotionally, and even physically. But for whatever reason, whether I like it or not, God has us in the place for His glory. We continue to beg God to deliver us from this darkness, but until He does we will continue to look for the glimpses of light He continues to shine on us.
 |
| Cousins 💕 |
 |
| One of the 8th graders at school wanted Mr.Riggs and Samuel to come watch one of his baseball games. We all went and it was a little colder than we had anticipated. This was Emma the entire game 😆 |
 |
| Braving the cold |
Comments
Post a Comment